Last year, I had just moved out here with shiny new job. I was anticipating a long relationship with a fancy new startup. I was worried about whether my marriage was going to end entirely. I had just met this new guy with a brain and having an amazing time hanging out with him, I was making other friends with aerialists, and I was finding an amazing world here. It was a generally lovely life.
Then, over the course of the last year, I filed for divorce because the marriage was not going to improve, got pregnant (it seems immediately after such), ended up ending a relationship with the "CEO" of the new startup because he tried to tell me I should have given him the option of helping raise the baby even though he didn't like the guy I'd gotten pregnant with and was worried it would be "ugly" and damn it he already had responsibilities to his wife et cetera, got divorced, got married, and had said child.
I had to end any contact at all with the CEO because he got nasty (I apparently am around to ruin men). I wanted to say goodbye, but considering how nasty he'd gotten recently and the fact that I was already run down enough just wasn't going to give him the chance to be nasty some more. I think he wants a family but that was not the form of my relationship with him because he had other damn responsibilities. The pretty aerial society I had spent so much energy in getting running in Albuquerque has been inundated by creepers (one a rapist, one an abuser) so I lost a friendship with his wife and have strained relations with another dear friend because I went WTF IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE on everyone? They've lost many of their best and most loyal aerialists because of this and man, I'm so sad.
So I'm trying not to look back and only look towards the future. I gained a child, a husband who really is sweet and amazing and treats my daughter as his own, new friends here, new aerialists here, and a new life. I'm excited.
I wish my mother had been able to meet my new child.